So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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