He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize