I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize