She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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