Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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