I'm going to rape someone's good day.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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