and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize