Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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