lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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