I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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