I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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