im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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