this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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