yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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