I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize