i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize