I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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