It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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