Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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