I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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