i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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