I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
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You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
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When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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