I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
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You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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