I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize