My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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