Where is the hickey?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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