Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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