i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize