people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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