you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize