I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
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Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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