Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This baby is an asshole
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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