you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
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I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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