Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize