since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
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He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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