Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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