Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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