My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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