I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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