Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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