Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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