I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize