fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
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Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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