Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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