i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize