I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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