im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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