if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize