Your dad touched me again.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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