We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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