your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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