So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
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i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
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I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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